this song am I right babies
my fab friend is getting married to a German bloke in Germany in June and she just invited me and I don’t know if I should go? I feel like it is actually EXACTLY what I should be doing in terms of my well being but so much $$$$ which, I could afford but in the Francis Ha sense of travel expenditure, and going may mean I lose my job but I’m not 100% happy there, but they might be cool with it? please help please chuck all your advice at me
last night I threw up in a bar toilet and the girl in the cubicle beside me said “are you fucking kidding me” really quietly like I had let us both down
a lady from work today gave me this 3 year old, unused red lipstick and I would never have bought it myself because its called “passion” and I really love it so take THAT, my brain!
some kid slapped together a top-10 anime video in windows movie maker and it just sat around on youtube until arriving at its karmic destiny of upsetting kanye west
"Casual acquaintances felt like it was perfectly reasonable to start asking me about my weight and size. Family members would tell me how good I looked now, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for me from a year ago, who I had loved, but apparently everyone else was thinking could be a lot better. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my own skin in my life. I — a woman who has always felt infinitely more defined by my thoughts and humor than by a number on a scale — suddenly felt very self-conscious about everything. All of this new attention found me wanting to be sure to hide my flabby arms (because losing lots of weight leaves a lot of skin) and saggy boobs (because I’d been either pregnant and/or nursing for the last five years). And no matter how wrong I knew it was I couldn’t help but think to myself, ‘If people think I look good now, they’ll really think I look good if I lose 20 more pounds.’ This sudden (undeserved) praise from others has really wreaked havoc on all of my previously held ideas of positive body image and female empowerment. I have no answers."
I can’t get over how perfectly this article captures the weird feelings that occur after a significant weight loss. After I (unintentionally, but not unhappily) lost a decent amount of weight while studying abroad, I came back to school and was bombarded with compliments which at first I took pleasure in, but then began to feel uncomfortable about. All I could do was wonder if all the things I liked about myself about before, my intelligence, my sense of humor, my passions, were being lost on people because all they saw was my weight. The fact that so often it was acquaintances who made these comments, and never my close friends, only seemed to solidify even further the idea that the people who knew me well could see past the fact I was “fat,” but others didn’t. Or couldn’t
It’s also a difficult issue to discuss (how do you say “It’s really frustrating how people keep complimenting how skinny I look” without it coming off as a humblebrag?) and no one really warns you when you lose weight of all the conflicting, confusing emotions it will bring up.
I feel shitty bitching about this but last year I had a rough trot and lost my appetite and lost 10kg. The worst shit was distant family members assumed that I had become a drug addict, and once when I was at a bar a casual acquaintance grabbed me by the arms like it was life threatening and told me to put some weight back on because I was “too smart to buy into such shallow beauty standards” (this was probably the worst one in the “bad” category of comments) but on the flip side I’ve gotten a lot of “you look AMAZING” “How did you lose it!?” and “don’t complain about how you look in front of (redacted), she’s self conscious.” Eating used to be the only thing fail-proof thing that got me out of a depression session and now food tastes like ash and I force myself to swallow. And the worst thing is on bad days I’m afraid I’ll gain it back, and then I don’t want to eat. Losing weight has proper fucked my brain.
I just ate a $5 bean burrito and said “bye, books” to the courier’s back as he took some boxes (of books) to a diff campus. Now I’m going to make a cup of tea and play emails until home time. And that’s it, that’s my day as a librarian thanks for reading